


Same Desire

by HedaKomPakstoka



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 1: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Gen, Kind of Canon Compliant, Mirror of Erised, Missing Scene, Snape's POV, Snape's motivation explained, Surprisingly sad Snape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-19 12:46:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18135941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HedaKomPakstoka/pseuds/HedaKomPakstoka
Summary: I have always wondered what Snape might see when he looks at the Mirror of Erised so I wrote this story. Think of it as the scene between Harry witnessing Snape confronting Quirrell and him showing Ron the Mirror of Erised (like in the movie). This story covers the time in between in Snape’s POV.





	Same Desire

**Author's Note:**

> This is a kind of character study of Severus Snape and his motivation to protect Harry while still not liking him very much.  
> I wrote this back in 2016 but I tweaked it a little since then.

He thought he had heard someone catch his breath. His head swerved into the direction of the noise and he stretched out his hand as if grasping for something invisible. But his hand turned up empty. Snape turned around to Quirrell and as he resumed to speak it was Filch who interrupted his threats yet again.

“Oh, Professors. I found this in the Restricted Section. It’s still hot. That means there’s a student out of bed,” he sneered.

Snape gestured Quirrell to follow Filch and all three of them walked around the corner out of sight of a very frightened Harry under his dad’s invisibility cloak. He turned around and opened the door right in front of him to put more distance between him and his teachers. Snape would have had him expelled if he had discovered him.

What Harry didn’t know, was that Snape had stopped dead in his tracks as he heard a door open and close again in the corridor they had just left.

“I must have left my book around the corner, I shall fetch it now and follow up with you later,” he murmured to his colleagues. They nodded at him and he turned around to follow the sounds.

There was only one possible explanation for this. Snape had often wondered how James Potter and his friends could sneak around the castle undetected. They had often vanished from sight without even knowing how to disapparate yet. Harry must have somehow found out how to do it. Or maybe James had left his son clues, knowing it would annoy Snape when Harry went to school.

For whatever reason Harry was out of bed at night, Snape knew he couldn’t let the boy stray around the castle. Especially since the only door in the corridor that wasn’t unlocked was the one to the room that held the Mirror of Erised.

Dumbledore had told him about it. It was sent here to defend the Sorcerer’s stone but it had to be stored somewhere until it could be relocated to its final destination. Although he didn’t know how Dumbledore planned to use the Mirror he knew it was a smart move. It wasn’t smart, though, to leave it in an unlocked room for just anyone to find.

And who would find it, naturally? Harry Potter, the boy who’s got nothing better to do at night than raid the Restricted Section of the library. Whatever he was looking for, he wouldn’t find it in this presumably empty classroom so why hadn’t he come out yet? Snape decided to go looking for the boy. _Not for his safety but to punish him for his indiscretion_ , Snape told himself.

He flicked his wand at his head and mumbled the Disillusionment Charm to make himself invisible before pointing his wand at the door and muttering _Silencio_ , efficiently stopping it from making any sound as he quickly opened it and closed it after he stepped through it. As he looked up and around the otherwise empty room he discovered Harry standing in front of the mirror. He seemed enthralled by the mirror, as so many had been before him. Snape suddenly felt like he was intruding on a very personal moment and, shockingly, he didn’t want to disturb the young boy.

He knew immediately what the abandoned child was seeing, as it was the same image he would have desired as a young boy. The only difference was that he actually had had parents, although they hadn’t cared much about him. He himself had found his first real home in Hogwarts, just like Harry.

He heard Harry speak to the Mirror.

“Mom? Dad?” the young boy spoke softly while stretching out his hand to feel his parents’ loving touch.

 _Stupid boy, it’s a mirror image, you can’t actually touch them_. Snape’s thoughts went back to despising the boy, who was exactly like his father.

Then he saw Harry reaching for his own shoulder as if he had felt a presence there. _He can’t possibly feel their touch? I wonder if I…_ Snape promptly stopped his feet from carrying him closer to the mirror to experience its wonders himself.

He stands in the shadows for at least ten minutes, wondering what kind of silent conversation Harry was having with his parents and he immediately felt jealousy rise up inside of him. Not jealous of Harry seeing his parents, Snape had no interest in seeing his own parents.

He was only interested in seeing her.

And his interest wasn’t even motivated by selfishness. He only wished to see her alive, as she had once been. He wished for her to walk around on this very earth again, even if that meant she would be with Potter and not with him. Because despite loathing James Potter for everything he ever did to him, he was grateful for the happiness he had enveloped Lily in. After all, Lily deserved to be happy more than anything, even if that meant she was happy with someone that wasn’t him.

Lost in his thoughts Snape was caught off guard as Harry suddenly walked right passed him to the door without even noticing him. Snape knew he should follow Harry to make sure he finds his bed without losing a hand or getting lost again. But his feet were leading him towards the mirror and this time, Snape wasn’t able to make them stop.

Snape looked upon his own shoes instead of directing his gaze over the carved letters in the Mirror’s frame, as he already knew what they said: _Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi_. But what was his heart’s desire, Snape was wondering. What would the mirror show him? Would he not be able to tear away his gaze like so many before him? How had young Harry been able to just step away from it?

As he couldn’t think up any probable answers to his questions he slowly turned his gaze upwards to look at the mirror. He then saw what young Harry must have seen.

Standing right across from him inside the mirror was Lily, in all her beauty and he swore he could touch her if he just reached out his hand. It must have been the same for Harry. But even as he let his gaze wander over to a smiling James Potter, who had his hand sitting on his son’s shoulder, the sense of longing didn’t leave him and just as he had expected he wished for them to just be real. Even if it meant putting up with his childhood nemesis. He would have gladly done anything for her.

So that was his heart’s desire? _I suppose it’s only fair. I don’t deserve to stand with her, or even all of them. How can Dumbledore find me worthy of looking after her son? The title ‘Chosen One’ doesn’t seem fitting if one thinks about how much he lost. He would have surely been the ‘Chosen One’ if he had been able to grow up with a mother as loving as Lily._

As Snape was again lost in his thoughts he didn’t notice both Lily and James’ gaze lowering down to look at him, and still their smiles didn’t fade. He chokes out a silent “I’m so sorry,” as he fell to his knees quietly sobbing into his robes. He couldn’t stand looking at them as he blamed himself for their murder. Deep down Snape knew it was Sirius Black’s fault for betraying his best friend but he still felt like he had failed Lily, and watching out for Harry just wasn’t enough to repay that debt. He didn’t feel worthy of watching them so he got to his feet once more. But he couldn’t leave without another look at her face, maybe his last. As he spotted her eyes he expected to see anger or a sense of betrayal in them but the only emotions he could make out were gratefulness and deep sorrow, for what he did not know. Just as he was about to turn and leave, he saw Lily mouthing something at him.

 _Thank you_.

What could she possibly be thanking him for? Surely not for having a part in her untimely death. He felt thoroughly unworthy, then spotted James softly patting his son’s head and nodding at Snape, still with a smile on his face. Then he understood.

They were thankful for him looking after their son. Lily found him to be worthy of the task of protecting the most important 11-year-old child in the history of witchcraft and wizardry. The simple gesture they had just awarded him with restored his faith in the goodness of witches and wizards alike more than any words Dumbledore had ever shared with him.

While wiping his face dry he stood up straight and held up his head to look at the parents who would never age a day in this mirror.

“I deeply apologize for the pain I have caused you both. But know that I would rather die than let anything happen to your son, as my debt to you now is a debt I have to pay to him. And I will gladly pay it with my life if it means that no more harm comes to young Harry Potter. I promise. _Always_.”

Without risking another look he turned around and walked outside of the empty classroom. He had closed the door just as he heard two people walk in his direction.

_It seems like Mr. Potter has brought a friend. For now, he shall go on with his stubborn ideals._

With that thought in mind, he walked through the castle to catch up with Quirrell and Filch at the library. He wouldn’t let Quirrell out of his sight ever again if that meant he couldn’t bring any harm to Harry Potter like Snape suspected he could.

Unbeknownst to Snape another figure had stepped out of the shadows as he had left the room.

There was no smile on Professor Dumbledore’s lips, just a knowing look as he nodded at the mirror from where the two dead Potters nodded back at him. He disapparated just as young Harry pulled his friend Ron into the classroom.

**Author's Note:**

> I simply love the character of Snape and how he's portrayed and characterized in the books. He's definitely flawed and he knows that. He's made so many unforgivable mistakes and I think he knows he can't make up for them.  
> But at least he tries his best to change his ways (while still being an asshole to Harry) and protect Harry.


End file.
